FOCCUS

remember my 'not just 20 quesitons' post?? let's go ahead and revisit that....


foccus stands for 'Facilitating Open Couple Communication Understanding and Study'. sounds like fun, huh? we spent several wednesday evenings with our sponsor couple from saint francis as a required part of marriage prep through the catholic church. i was a little worried how my social butterfly would handle talking about all personal matters under the sun with complete strangers, but he totally surprised me! it helped that our couple was real. they weren't perfect. their marriage isn't always perfect. but it, too, is real. they gave so much helpful advice and told stories that related to daily interaction between any committed couple.

i must also admit, it was fun to see how each of us answered questions...every time we would get to a new section, and dan would begin to read the overview of the topics covered, i could see both of us trying to peer across the table and see if our filled circles aligned. when we didn't agree with each other, the program writes a serious of discussion topics in the margin. some sections were really 'clean'. some........not so much. for a couple that can't seem to agree on music, movies, most television shows, books, fashion... i'll take it. ;)

let me walk you through one "disagreement".


statement:
nothing my future spouse does annoys me.


agree
disagree
indifferent


joel: agree
sarah: disagree


of course, joel turns and gives me a smiling, yet accusatory look.


come on people....nothing??!!....NOTHING???!!! nothing in the whole wide world gets on your nerves??!!


for the record, he had told me JUST the prior evening that i TYPE TOO LOUD.
i type too loud!
and apparently i'm not supposed to leave lights on in rooms i leave (even for a teensy moment).
and i won't even go into when i helped haul all the 2x4s for the basement finishing project (which he conveniently started in the midst of wedding planning...men...playful eyeroll) and i had a bit of wood-to-walls/doorframe proximity issues....


nooooooooooooo. nothing bothers joel.
;)


i received many valuable pieces of advice from jeanette:


for instance, i actually do have to give joel time to digest things we might disagree on or items we heavily discuss. apparently he might not be ready to 'talk it out' right away (doesn't talking ALWAYS make it better??!!). i agreed to give him 24 hours. at 24 hours & one minute, i may squeeze out his feelings.


another tid bit. i can only ask/approach three items. anything over three, and men tune us out (as if). so, she says she mentally priortizes things in her mind throughout the day --- if it's not 'top 3' importance, she'll wait for the next day or two. good thing that's not the case for men, or joel never would have been able to address my LOUD TYPING. (still hmph-ing).


yet another...we can "rank" things we say. "sarah, your typing is really loud, and it bothers me---i'm talking a 10". but they said (staring directly at me) that **not everything can be a 10**. what....they think i'm dramatic?? ;)


we had many good laughs, intense discussions, and great advice received in our time with our sponsor couple. we spent a lot of time talking about problem-solving, communication, family, children and most importantly religion. we talked about things that we most likely would not have discussed without, how shall i say this, every-wednesday-meetings we had to attend in order to have the church's blessing. and for that, i'm actually quite grateful. i know my fiance is an extraordinary man and father. i know i love him so, and he feels the same. and i now know that we can compromise and more fully understand one another and our expectations when it comes to everything our future may hold. i also know that i'm so eternally grateful that God gave me this almost-husband.


so it was truly a rewarding experience. i think even my darling not-so-wallflower would agree.
but i'm sure i still type too loud.